A Moronic Oxymoron

Oxymoron...

I work at a country club so I have to drive through a "country club" neighborhood to get to work. Some of the most annoying things about that drive include:

-Way too many speed bumps (hilly Northwest Austin)
-Stay-at-home moms who run/walk with their strollers in the street (c'mon, safety people...there's a perfectly good sidewalk right next to you!)

-Slow drivers in really expensive cars who are obviously not in a hurry to get to work

But, today I saw something I had never seen before. It made my day! Let me preface by saying that I live in Austin where we take our "being green" pretty seriously. So, when I see a hybrid Toyota instead of a luxury SUV in a rich neighborhood, it's not such a weird thing. Even wealthier folks here are earth-lovers.

Anyway, I was driving along, trying to avoid whiplash as I went over a speed bump and I realized the Prius in front of me was just creeping along. The kind of slow that makes you want to go around them. The kind that makes you think they are just out for a drive, or they can't read the home addresses very well so they have to slowly go by each one. Not only were they going 15mph, but they were also hanging their arm out of the window holding a CIGARETTE! Ew. My husband recently ranted about this exact subject and I will second his emotions!

So my friends, I have affectionately given Mr. Prius Driver a new name. From this day forward, he will be called an oxymoron: Chain Smoking Environmentalist. In honor of CSE I found some fun pics of other visual oxymorons. Enjoy...and don't let yourself be caught a walking (or driving) contradiction.

Visual Oxymorons

A New Form of Contraception

Oh little Ella Belle...the cutest dog you will ever meet. She has a smooshy face (incidentally, that's her Native American name; Little Smooshy Face), floppy ears, puppy energy and sweet little Precious Moments Eyes. She has been an adventure ever since the first day we brought her home. She is so loving and she wants to be close to us all the time. That makes it hard to keep her off the bed at night since we are trying to teach her to sleep on the floor with her sister, Lexi. She loves us unconditionally and always feels so bad when we get on to her. She doesn't want to disappoint us, but she just can't help but chew the couch pillows, carpet, tissue from the bathroom trash or my shoelaces.

Having said all that, Ella has taught us that we are not ready for kids. Oh dear Lord, we are not ready. I mean I think if I accidentally got prego (Mom, don't you dare pray for that!) we would deal with it, get excited and jump into parenting. But, being that we are both a little bit Type A, we are planning on having kids in a few years after things have settled. Here is a list of things Ella has taught us and the incident that brought about the teaching moment:

Poop in the crate-somehow when Ella would poop in her crate it got everywhere. It wasn't just a little mess in the corner of the crate, it somehow managed to climb the walls and get to the roof. It was like it had a life of its own, and its goal was to make me hurl.
Lesson Learned: We need a few more clean years before we start cleaning up messes from baby bodily functions, or any other weird kid messes.

Lack of Sleep: As I am sure many new mothers experience, Ella didn't come with a functioning internal clock. When she was younger, she had to go potty several times a night. Now, she just thinks it's okay to get up in the middle of the night and play. These are the nights when Jeremy gets up and happily (and by happily, I mean not-so-happily) gets up to put her in the crate hoping she will chill out.
Lesson Learned: I have an amazing husband. He knows I will be grumpy, tired and downright unpleasant if I don't get sleep. Plus, let's be honest, I sleep through the whimpers, jingling collar and that awful noise that Ella makes when she's gnawing on a bone. Also, we learned that we need a few more years of sleeping in (that's 8a.m. for us) and hanging out in bed. I don't think it's appropriate to put a crying baby in a crate in the middle of the night to make it stop. In fact, I am pretty sure Jeremy prosecutes people for crap like that.

Dog Budget: I think it would be an understatement to say our budget for kids would be slightly higher than the one we have going now for the dogs. We buy food about every three months, take them to the vet about twice a year (now that Ella is older) and buy them toys every once in a while. Financially, our dogs are pretty low maintenance.
Lesson Learned: (from Ella and Lexi) Kids are expensive. How do you people afford them? For that matter, how did our parents afford us? You don't even have to spoil them to spend a lot of money. I almost bought a friend diapers for a baby shower once and decided against it when I saw the price. Are you kidding me? Anyway, the point is that even the necessities cost a lot. Our budget needs time to prepare. :)

As I read back through this blog I laughed out loud. I realize that one day when I do have a little bundle of joy, I will read this and laugh. I mean, the truth is no one will ever be fully prepared for kids and that's part of the fun. Jeremy and I will learn together and it will be a wonderful experience. But for now...I would like to thank Ella Belle Sylestine for providing me with a little glimpse of what it will be like. For now, we will wait.

The Birth of a Blog

It seems like any time I am by myself I wish I were with someone else. Ideally it would be my sweet husband, but really anyone would do. I don't lack confidence or fear being alone, nor do I avoid moments of silent reflection and meditation. I just have a lot of thoughts about everyday mundane things, and I want to say them out loud to someone who will respond. My thoughts aren't always profound and many times they don't even make sense. I don't want to look like a crazy person, so a blog seemed like the next best thing. So here we go...the birth of my blog.

Thoughts I have had recently:

-Why does that guy think he is cool enough to have a license plate that reads P.M.P Z. Seriously? If you are going to brand yourself like that, at least drive a Cadi or a sweet ride, not a Miata.

-When I run in the mornings, I see lots of fun things. Some of the regulars include:

1) A cute little Asian guy who stands just outside his garage doing calisthenics. He is pretty bouncy when he does his stretches, and it makes me a laugh a little every time I run by. Add to this scenario the mountains of trash bags full of coke cans in his garage. I am not kidding. Mountains. These people like their cokes. I just always wonder why they don't put them in the single-stream recycle bin and get rid of them. Thoughts?

2) Awkward middle school kids waiting for the bus. They remind me every day of my awkward, fat junior high days and the fact that I will one day have an awkward (possibly fat) middle school kid to love. The kids I see in the mornings are funny with their huge band instruments that they most likely suck at playing, and the division of guys and girls. BUT, get this! I ran by one bus stop the other day and it was a little early for kids to be out. There was a boy and a girl sitting on the ground just chilling and talking. I think they are bus stop g/f & b/f. I think they look forward to seeing each other every morning, and one day in high school when the girl grows up and gets pretty, she will forget about her bus stop boyfriend and date the quarterback. Is that cynical of me to think? Have I been watching too many goofy teeny-bopper movies? More run-sightings later.

-Why do onions and garlic make your hands smell for three days, and how is the Rub Away bar any different from just rubbing your hands all over your stainless steel sink? I think we could save $7.50 here folks...I'm just saying.

Well, that's all for now. I hope people read this. I already have a topic for my next post so I will give you a sneak peek: My new puppy Ella has been excellent birth control.

Later gators!